Reflections

In reflecting on my life to this point, it has dawned on me that it is relationships that I have with my wife, children, parents and siblings that brings joy and even pain through the past.  I am so focused on "accomplishments" into the future that sometimes those whom I find are the most important in my life get over looked in my search for success and self gratification.  I am overwhelmed by the need to find meaning in my life, and yet once again all of the importance of my life is right in front of me, in the form of my wife, children, family and friends.  Each of these people motivate me to be better than I am now and inspire me to forget myself and serve others. 

If all of this is true, why do I struggle so much with the cravings of the natural man; to be selfish and only think about my self.  Why is it that I spend 8 or 9 hours per day focused on serving myself at work, eating for 2 or 3 hours per day, sleeping for 8 hours each night, and the remaining time spent randomly in relatively useless tasks that in the end don't mean a thing.  Because I am a natural man and my task in life is to come closer to God, through conscientious service to all of those people I mentioned above, and for that matter everyone else as well.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  It is that time in my life when I need to take different paths, like putting my faith in Gods Hands, trusting in him and having faith that if I am doing his work, he will take care of me and my family. 

I have no idea what the future holds, as it has been so difficult to scratch out the financial means to support my family, and this has given me for the first time in my life cause to question my abilities and whether or not I am worthy of success.  I may not be but those that depend on my for that support are unequivocally sufficient cause of action for my most diligent efforts.  God grant me the strength to be more than I am to those that deserve it.  Help me to love them how they have taught me to love, in giving of myself.